Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize