Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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