I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
And then he peed in my hair
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