this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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