Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
