Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
