the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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