Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
