You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
