My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
