Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
