im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You took a bar mat shot.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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