god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
