Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
