I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
