I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
