DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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