Im at strip club and am horny
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize