Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
