Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
