My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
