I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
