wakey wakey hands off snakey
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
