angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
