I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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