I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just pynch a tree in the face
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
