hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
