I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
