are you still at the devil's house?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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