I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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