I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
