Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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