Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
