Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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