I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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