She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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