Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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