i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize