His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
