Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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