my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
