I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
