the condom got lost in my hair
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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