I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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