so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
