She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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