There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
