I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
