If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
