so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
