he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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