Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
