I want to make a zoo with you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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