Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
