I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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