just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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