nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
