there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
