this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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