just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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