i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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