I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm really into asian looking animals
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize