i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
