I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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