I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
soo... how was my night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
