i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
