the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
