I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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