I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
