Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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