I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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